Nikolas, laughing, gave in and allowed Ben to examine other interesting places where his secrets might lie, and when Ben was done with him, Ben thought both of them were fairly sure nothing much could remain hidden between them.
This is what it would always be like if he stayed with me. Because I can never be myself. He could never be himself. He’d have to play the game and work to keep everyone’s interest. That’s just not his way. That’s what I like about him. That and when he looks at me, I know he doesn’t see the Tad Roarke that other people see. He doesn’t see the image that I’ve crafted through the years. He just sees another guy. And the more he knows me, the more he breaks through barriers that I’ve spent such a long time trying to keep everyone from breaking through.
“You have to trust me on this, Benjamin. These things aren’t accepted in the world I come from.”
“Being gay you mean.”
Nikolas flinched away from him. “You’re being incredibly obtuse, and I’m not gay.”
Ben leant even further forward and made his point more forcibly by poking Nikolas on his immaculate new shirt. “I don’t fucking know what obtuse means, but as I’ve had your cock up my arse for the last four years, I reckon it must mean accurate.”
For the first time, with the word adore spreading like heat through his body, Ben didn’t feel like a servant favouring his master. He knew then he’d never see their relationship in the same light again. For the first time, he knew where he stood with Nikolas. He was adored.
“No more games,” he says as he breaks our kiss. “No more fighting. I don’t want to pretend that I don’t want you anymore.”
He gives me a look that clearly mocks our initial plan to not get attached. And he’s not wrong. Judgy as I was about starting anything with him, I’ve fallen into a trap, and it’s not one I want to get out of.
Loving these two.