So yeah...it just dawned on me that I never rated or reviewed this. I am still not sure where I stand with this book at all. It is absolutely beautifully written but my gawd...I honestly need my own therapy sessions now to deal with this book. It is a gut buster!! Read over the course of almost 2 weeks, I could honestly not take more than a few chapters at a time. Sobbing to the point of exhaustion. Does this make for a fun read...really it doesn't and on top of that I am not sure I would call this a HEA book in the sense of "Happily Ever After" but more "Hope for Ever After".
So where the hell to land?? I guess I will land at 3.5 as this really lands in the middle of 2 and 5 for me. LOL...yeah I am still in a funk. Oh well.
If you have read the other two books in the series then you really should dive into this too but I will warn you...it is not a fun journey. Grab plenty of kleenex and a bottle of your favorite alcoholic beverage...you will need it. Melanie Hansen holds nothing back.
Other Books in this series (Note that both of these made it on my Best of 2015 list of MM Reads):
Everything Changes (Review)
Signs of Life (Review)
Teri and I did good to wait as long as we did. *grabby hands*:D
What the hell??? 4 pages in and Melanie has done it to me again!! Sweet Sweet Boys.
12%“Why does the moon mean so much to you, Eliot?”
Eliot didn’t reply, and Loren rolled his head along the wall to look at him.
There was silence for a long time, and then Eliot murmured, his voice barely audible, “It’s always there somewhere. Whether it’s cloudy, whether it’s sunny— it’s there, even if you can’t see it. The sun goes away, but the moon is always there.” Eliot turned his head and looked into Loren’s eyes. “You’re my moon too, Loren. You’re like my— like my gravity. You keep me here when sometimes I just want to— go away.”
Sweet Jesus...there is no doubt this will be amazing but my god, I'm going to need help coping with this read.
21%Please let this be real.
He opened his eyes and the man was still there.
"Loren?” he whispered again, his voice tentative. The man didn’t answer, just opened his arms, and Eliot stepped into them, the years melting away as Loren gathered him close.
26%“God, you’re so beautiful,” Loren breathed, bringing one hand up to cup Eliot’s cheek. “The face that’s haunted my dreams.” He let his thumb stroke along Eliot’s cheekbone as he looked at him, cataloging the differences nine years had made.
It's clear. I need to just read this in the dead of night.
30%All of his purchases were thrown into a corner, and he kicked at the boxes of pots and pans. Maybe he’d want to cook again one day, but really, why bother? No one liked him; he was just a crazy asshole no one wanted to be around. He was worthless, so why would he expect anyone to care if he lived or died, much less want to come over and eat with him?
38%He banged out of his apartment and went to the nearest bus stop, pacing in front of the little enclosed bench thing. After a few minutes, the bus approached in a cloud of exhaust, and for one second Eliot considered throwing himself in front of it. Some fucking asshole was standing right where he’d need to be, though, if he was gonna get a good running start.
40%They want to tie you down, make you piss yourself. And then they’ll laugh, the black demon whispered. Because you’re stupid and crazy and worthless. Eliot fought against the demon’s words, trying to stay still even as hands touched him, the pressure on his skin making him want to scream.
Just the most gut wrenching book. Gaaahhh :-(
47%It was amazing and beautiful and special, and he felt closer to Eliot in that moment than he’d ever felt to any human being in his life. Eliot hadn’t come—hadn’t even been hard. It wasn’t important, Loren realized; what was important was what they shared together on that rumpled futon, something that went far beyond the simple act of sex, something that was an expression of feeling, of trust, the deepest form of communication two people could possibly have.
Loren finally understood what it was like to truly make love.
50%Loren pulled Eliot into his lap, and wrapped him up in his arms. “I want to be with you because you’re you. Because you have the kindest heart of anyone I’ve ever known, and you’re strong and resilient in so many ways, ways that leave me in awe.” Eliot heaved a ragged sigh, and Loren whispered, “I want to be with you because I love you, plain and simple.
50%At first glance he could give off the appearance of being a severe, unapproachable cold fish, but all Kai had to do was enter the room and Jeremy seemed to light up from within, cool gray eyes turning to molten silver. Then the man was breathtaking.
Gaaah this just makes me want to read Signs of Life again. ❤️❤️ Jeremy and Kai ❤️❤️
53%The girl was in her twenties and horribly disfigured about the face and neck by burns. Eliot didn’t want to ask if she’d done it to herself, but considering the level of depression he’d observed in her, he wouldn’t be at all surprised. When you wanted the sweet relief of death, even the horror of the potential blood and agony involved in getting it didn’t deter you.
Gaaaah this book is sooo hard.
63%“You were always meant to be. Love, Mom.”
“She saw us, Loren, before we saw us,” Eliot said in a hushed voice.
65%“You’ve always been with me, Loren, through my memories. Always.”
Anxiety is high. I have a very bad feeling about all this.
This last 5% has been rather aggravating.
80%Loren knew something would have to change. This job was going to suck the life out of both of them. Besides the pressure of living a lie, Loren wasn’t there for Eliot like he wanted to be, like he’d planned to be. He didn’t know how much longer Eliot would put up with this, and after this case was over, there was going to be some soul searching, some reorganizing of dreams. They both deserved more, and no job on earth was worth losing Eliot over.
Just kill me now.